Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
