yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
