Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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