My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
