just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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