Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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