He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize