before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
