His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
