I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
