another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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