Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
50% drunk capacity currently
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
