Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
