Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
