Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
