dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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