please come you make the beer taste better
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
