i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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