walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
