My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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