Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
