you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
