I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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