Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
