I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
cat food counts as protein by the way
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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