Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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