you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
