The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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