i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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