So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
