We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
