Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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