on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
