I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
