So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
where am i from again
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
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Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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