you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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