i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's shark week go big or go home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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