I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize