I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
