You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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