I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
