thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
