I met the friendliest cop last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
