i just wanna soil my oats bro
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
