I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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