And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize