Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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