you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
