i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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