a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
