True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
