OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
