I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
