in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
