So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
