He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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