Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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