is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
