So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
