im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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