Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
