Kiss
Puke
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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