after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
