maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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