If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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