Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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