Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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