Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
