You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
