I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
