you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my being single is dangerous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
