i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
