drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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