You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
