The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
