I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
