I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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