i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
