I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize