bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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