WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
