Whod you bang
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're a waste of cheezeits
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
